butterflies
For much of my life, my stomach has been my barometer: it tells me if I’m nervous, excited, uncomfortable, unwell. It lets me know if the food I eat is something I should eat (I feel my stomach turn away if it’s something that might hurt me), it lets me know if the food I ate was bad or bad for me, if I’m hungry or full, if I’m too afraid, it what I’m about to do is a big deal.
But now my stomach has butterflies inside because of a baby. At first the barometer told me a lot that I was anxious, but its reading was off because the baby was turning or kicking. Now I don’t have a barometer anymore. I don’t know much about how to tell if I’m stressed or hungry — the hormones keep the stress at bay, and I eat too much to feel hungry very often. Hunger now is indicated by fatigue and annoyance.
I love that I don’t have my stomach to tell me how I’m feeling anymore. I love that I can feel all the moving inside and know that it has nothing to do with fear or indigestion. The entire middle of my body is taken over by a moving human, and it changes all the signs.
