past the fear
I had to do something this morning that’s good but which brings me fear because it involves teaching and facing the public and I am more at peace in my house. I was anxious about it over the weekend until I came to this terrible logic. I thought of Annie Dillard and how she says that in order to chop wood you have to aim through the chopping block. Mike Tyson said that about boxing: he punched past his opponent. And I’ve heard that about runners: run through the finish line. So why not use that logic here, because after that scary thing I won’t be scared anymore, and the fear doesn’t help me at all. So I pictured myself already finished with the morning, back in my studio, safe with my peanut butter and graham crackers. Oh maybe that’s avoidance, but it worked. I could picture myself already done with the fear, never having felt the fear to begin with, and it calmed me a great deal, and of course the morning was fine.
