success
When I came along, Rosie was in an elementary school that didn’t have grades, but it was clear that she had trouble with the most general organization, focusing on homework, remembering what was due, and caring about her work. A couple of years later, the school was warning that they might have to hold her back.
We transitioned her in eighth gade to a school that had grades and could help her with her organization — some kids thrive in Rudolph Steiner-like schools, especially if they’re self-motivated, but some kids flounder. Rosie tested early on in the top 5% for intelligence, but her life had been hard enough and her depression heavy enough that she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Eighth grade was her hardest year. The transition to a new school is probably never easy, and she was seeing that, compared to other students, she was less capable of focusing, remembering her homework, or staying organized enough to turn things in. All of our efforts to help her just made her angry, more resistant, less logical and more emotional. Twice I sat in parent-teacher meetings that year where they told me they might have to hold her back.
By the end of that year, we all convened and tried to figure out how to help her make it through ninth grade. At that point, Steve and I decided that we had to give her up at night — trying to remember her homework AND transitioning her belongings from one house to another from week to week was not helping her stay on par with other students. We created a schedule where Steve and I pick her up from school, help her with her homework, take her to her tutor, make her dinner, and socialize — at bedtime we drop her off at her mother’s, every night. We spent $2,500 this year on a tutor that has helped her stay organized — she’s a tough lady who demands a lot from Rosie and doesn’t care if Rosie’s not feeling well or not feeling in the mood. It’s amazing, or maybe it isn’t, how much Rosie loves her after all that barking.
At the beginning of the year we weren’t sure if it was working: there were some D’s, some C’s, and one A. Then Rosie learned that she had to do her homework — she had to learn it for herself as a truth, not just as something people told her. Then there were C’s, B’s, and A’s. Then she learned that studying helped her do better on tests.
On Friday she finished her first year of high school with all A’s and B’s. She’s on the swimteam without anyone pushing her but herself, and she has a whole group of friends who swim and keep her out of trouble, and she even had a boyfriend. It has been the most amazing year to watch her earnestly push aside all the weight of pain and confusion. This is the first time I’ve seen her really thrive; it is beautiful to watch.
